Funny Facts Revealed!!

My Experiences Are Also Funny

This Is My Experience

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Clever kids:

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

Lifeline Exercise Cycle - 102

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

                           

                                 Die Laughing!!!

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer wants to ask her a few questions….

Officer: What’s 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm… 4!

Officer: What’s the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm… 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case!” 

You Must Have Faced One Of These For Sure!!

You Almost Killed Me with your English

1. Principal To Student..." I Saw U

Yesterday Rotating Near Girls Hostel 

Pulling Cigarette... ? "

2. Class Teacher Once Said :" Pick Up 

The Paper And Fall In The Dustbin!!!"

3. Once Hindi Teacher Said...."I'm 

Going Out Of The World To America.."

4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF 

MY  BACK.."

5. Don't..Laugh At The Back 

Benches...Otherwise Teeth And All Will 

Be Fallen Down.....

6. It Was Very Hot In The Afternoon 

When The Teacher Entered.. She Tried 

To Switch The Fan On, But There Was 

Some Problem.

And Then She Said " Why Is Fan Not 

Oning" (Ing Form Of On)

7. Teacher In A Furious Mood... Write

Down Ur Name And Father Of Ur 

Name!!

8. "Shhh... Quiet... The Principal Is

Revolving Around College"

9. My Manager Started Like This "Hi, I 

Am Madhu, Married With Two Kids"

10. "Will U Hang That Calendar Or Else 

I'll HANG MYSELF"

11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL 

TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN 

OUTSIDE"

12. Chemistry HOD Comes And Tells 

Us...

"My Aim Is To Study My Son And Marry 

My Daughter"

13. Tomorrow Call Ur Parents Especially

Mother And Father

14. "Why Are You Looking At The 

Monkey Outside When I Am In The 

Class?!"

15. Lab Assistant Said This When My 

Friend Wrote Wrong Code.. "I 

Understand. You Understand. 

Computer How Understand??

16. Seeing The Principal Passing By, 

The

Teacher Told The Noisy Class.. "Keep

Quiet, The Principal Has Passed Away"

17. Once Teacher Told "If U Talk So 

Loudly I Will Stand Uping U"

18. Teacher To Students:Don't Spit

Outside, The Understand

This is really Awesome one!!!

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes. He walks there only to find it closed. So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment. After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to kill me. Do you have any talcum powder?"

The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hell have you been?!?!"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"

Do you agree??

                                                   

                      

                            Being funny is very serious

Every joke we crack on our friends , not so friends, enemies and even to strangers should have a deep meaning, jokes are very powerful catalyst, it can make us a terrorist, sadist , narcissist or it can transform you as saint, leader, achiever.  It is not only about the person who is the victim of it or the humorist who has initiated it, it is  a perfect timings being matched between two different blocks of parallel universe in such a manner that its adhesive forces creates aria which is a smoothie for all the audiences within the vicinity.

So whenever next time we will get a privilege or opportunity to crack a pun we will give a thought to it that how it will make a change in our lives or in the life of our liaisons or people accompanying us as words are precious, we should make best of every word out of our mouth as just like time we have got limited words and we do not want to deplete these beautiful words by investing it on asset which do not gives us any kind of pleasure, inspiration, thought or awakening call in order make our mind free from the dreary desert of long lost forest which has its own voice which is not even real, as in this jungle many animals are crying and laughing, many birds are chirping, many fishes are swimming in its ponds but there is not king who has all the authority to control them in a manner which can have full authorization on all birds, tigers lions, rabbits , ants and every animal, mammal present here. 

So in order to have more consciousness with respect ourselves we should listen what we are saying, what we are doing and what we are thinking, we should have a synchronization for them so that there is no leakage of energy and we will be doing our thoughts with an effortless action and whole world will be slave to ours words as our words will be the immortal.

I am Almost Funny!!!

                    Wrong email address:

           

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Die Laughing !!!

        You Will Die Laughing after Reading this!!

              

A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names;

 Sam:
 My name is Sam,
 When I grow up to be a man,
 I want to go to Russia and Japan,
 If I can, If I can, If I can

 Candy:
 My name is Candy,
 When I grow up to be a lady,
 I want to have a baby
 If I can, if I can, if I can

 Dan:
 My name is Dan.
 When I grow up to be a man,
 Do hell with Russia and Japan
 I m gonna help Candy with her plan
 I know I can, I know I can, I know I can..=))

This Will Blow You AWAY!!

               My Love Whale BLOW You Away!!

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a fishing boat one whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes and capsize the boat, for a laugh''.

They proceed to do this and swim back down laughing their flippers off.

Then the first whale says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat a few?''

The other whale then replies ''Look mate I don't mind the odd blow job but I refuse to swallow seamen!!!!'' 

Life Is So Funny

    Must Read The Following Short Stories!!!

                             These Are Awesomely Funny!!! 

      You Will Fall LAUGHING!

 

                                  

                                       Naked Wife!

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

                                         Hand Job!!

                         Just A Cool Tag Line And You Can Sell Anything!!!

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

                                                                                    Saintly Saint

  

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

                            Accident Porn Area

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
…A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

                            Power of Charisma

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

                            

                                        True Liar

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

       A Place Where You Can sell Anything!!

Moral of the story:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut !

                    Can You Guess This LOGO??